1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
