YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
