Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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