I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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