Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
