4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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