YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
