I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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