i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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