I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
