Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
