I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
