he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
