i think my mom watched the whole time
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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