saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That accounts for only three of the penises
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
