We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
