I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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