false alarm. still invincible.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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