there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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