How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
