I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
