Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
