And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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