You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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