just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
