I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
