I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize