my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
