My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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