i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's always time for handjobs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize