a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
