It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His nipple licking is glorious
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