I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
