half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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