Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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