Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
