I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
