I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
