i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
