I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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