And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
