I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
