let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
