So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
