you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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