In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will be naked everywhere
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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