I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
