I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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