can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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