yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
