Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize