Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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