We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize