Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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