I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
