I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
