did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was born a porn star she said
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
