I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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