If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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