and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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