I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
