I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
