yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
