I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
