Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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