those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
