also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
