If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
