What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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