Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
