; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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