She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
