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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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