I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
