no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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