I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
