i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
