he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
