There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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