the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
