everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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