Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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