So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
