My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
