How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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