Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
