i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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