Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
