No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
