so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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