Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize