she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
