Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
