Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
