He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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