Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
