Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
