She's JV to your varsity
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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