We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't trust your balls anymore.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
