That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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