I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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