Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
