Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
